No Deal Brexit Could Lead to Rise in Public Sex, Minister Warns


A cabinet minister confessed that a No Deal Brexit situation could lead to bored lorry drivers stuck in traffic jams seeking public sex.

Initially reported by The Times, the cabinet minister was caught at the Conservative conference this week worrying about the potential increase in “dogging” near the channel ports in a No Deal Brexit scenario. Such a scenario would be the result of Britain leaving the European Union without a formal withdrawal deal, something that Prime Minister Boris Johnson says will happen if the EU refuses to compromise before October 31st.

If lorries were backed up and stuck in traffic jams before taking the crossing to France, the minister said that an increase in “dogging” was likely to occur:

One of the things we talk about in these no-deal meetings concerns hauliers and their activities. The main thing is whether they will turn up at the Channel ports with the right paperwork. But there are also dogging hotspots all over the place.

“Dogging” is a British term for having sex in public while others watch – it is common in car parks, woods, and lay-bys across the country. Concerns about a spike in the activity were mostly focused on British lorry drivers. “Do Europeans even do dogging?” the minister asked. “There is something deeply British about dogging.”

Operation Yellowhammer, a government document detailing the worst case No Deal scenario, envisages a “three month meltdown” at British ports. While this is unlikely to happen, there would mostly likely be some delays.

National File reported this week on the case of a man literally driven mad by Brexit. A man in his 40s developed a serious case of psychosis following the Brexit referendum vote, suffering hallucinations and delusions as a result. Dr Mohammad Katsu said the patient was hospitalised, and was diagnosed with acute schizophrenia-like psychotic disorder.